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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27552088">same but different.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MnM_PD/pseuds/yojin'>yojin (MnM_PD)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>oifuta week 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Friends With Benefits, M/M, OiFuta Week 2020, OiHina - Freeform, does this count as fwb, fic idea since feb 27 2020, prompt: clothes // heartbreaks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:21:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27552088</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MnM_PD/pseuds/yojin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>oikawa and futakuchi found solace in each other’s sorrow.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Futakuchi Kenji/Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>oifuta week 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005858</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>same but different.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>the summary is basically my headcanon and i can use that summary for every oifuta fic i wrote (jk but yea for real)</p><p>heads up: i dont think this is my writing style again.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a strange night. Futakuchi was out for drinks to drown himself more into a sorrowful and pathetic state, but Oikawa walked into the bar, already fairly tipsy, showing signs that his sorrowful and pathetic state was in a deeper level than Futakuchi’s at the moment.</p><p>Oikawa sat right beside Futakuchi at the bar counter but as expected, he didn’t recognize him. Futakuchi is simply a nobody to a professional Argentinian volleyball player. They played a match once in Miyagi, then met at some point in their lives again for a wedding of the same friend—surprisingly, <em>Yahaba</em>. They talked for a while on that event. Mainly bickered like they did back in that one interaction of them in high school. That was all they were, so of course, Oikawa wouldn’t remember him. He wouldn’t even care about him even if he did.</p><p>That was until after Oikawa finished his order of rum.</p><p>
  <em>Oh? Futakuchi-kun? From Dateko?</em>
</p><p>Oikawa slurred with a smirk that showed he was pleasantly surprised, and it all started from there.</p><p>Like an obvious obnoxious existence on earth, Oikawa proceeded to drink himself to death after a small talk, thinking he can rely on someone (Futakuchi) to take him home afterwards.</p><p>Futakuchi wasn’t up for it because technically, they weren’t closely related anyway. He had planned on leaving Oikawa there on the floor where he laid, all of his lights absolutely out, but he remembered hearing him say something about a <em>Shoyou</em> and a whisper of a confession and an apology.</p><p>With a heavy sigh, Futakuchi hesitantly hoisted Oikawa up from the ground and dragged him to his own apartment; something someone did for him a year ago when he fucked something up, probably the same thing Oikawa did.</p><p>What Oikawa whispered earlier before his eyes rolled to the back of his head to fall face down on the floor haunted him:</p><p>
  <em>I love you, but I don’t deserve you yet.</em>
</p><p>That line sounded gross and it made Futakuchi cringe everytime he remembered he said that kind of bullshit to someone as well, but it’s the truth anyway.</p><p>Apparently, the both of them are just stupid boys terrified of getting into healthy relationships and then proceeding to bless themselves a self-inflicted heartbreak. They’re not wrong for their decisions, in fact it is the best for both parties, but quite honestly:</p><p>What fucking <em>idiots</em>.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Futakuchi was cooking breakfast for two, because he has manners and he’s a decent, considerate person, when two arms suddenly wrapped around his waist like a devilish snake, holding him captive in a sick, unfunny joke.</p><p>It was still morning. He shouldn’t let himself be annoyed as early as 7 <em>fucking</em> am.</p><p>“Good morning to you too, Oikawa-san.” Futakuchi grumbled as he lifted the scrambled egg from the pan and placed in on a plate.</p><p>Oikawa didn’t take the irritated hint in his tone that he didn’t like him invading his personal space because instead of parting with him, Oikawa continued to get closer, hooking his chin on Futakuchi’s shoulder and breathing on his neck. Even more exasperating, Oikawa pressed his hips onto Futakuchi’s ass like it was the most natural thing to do to an acquaintance you haven’t met for three years.</p><p>“Oikawa-san, I’m a whore. If you keep touching me like that, I might touch you right back.” Futakuchi sarcastically said, intending for Oikawa to take a step back, because who would slut around in the exact morning after drinking a night looking for an alcoholic overdose since they can’t love the person they want to love?</p><p>Futakuchi did, and as if their brains were sculpted by the supreme being from the same mud, Oikawa’s grip got tighter.</p><p>“Then do.” Oikawa challenged.</p><p>Futakuchi’s vision darkened in exasperation. Was this really the guy crying about a boy named Shoyou from last night?</p><p>He went through this situation before, and he regretted every single choice he made after it. If Oikawa couldn’t decide for himself in a way that wouldn’t fuck up his life, Futakuchi would make it for him.</p><p>Futakuchi turned and picked up Oikawa off his feet, slung him on his shoulder, not really caring if he was squirming in retaliation, or if the man’s single piece of clothing was his boxer briefs. Now that he’s seen it, Futakuchi suddenly remembered being woken up in an ungodly hour while Oikawa stripped off his clothes one by one during their sleep.</p><p>Futakuchi then threw Oikawa to a couch, a bit roughly because it was not an easy feat to do to someone who’s almost the same height and weight as you are, but he was able to.</p><p>“Are you still drunk? Unfortunately for you, I’m feeling fully sober.” Futakuchi said, huffing as he crossed his arms against his chest, <em>not</em> because his arms were kind of tired from Oikawa’s weight but because he was asserting some kind of dominance to place a much needed space between the two of them.</p><p>“Okay, I’m sorry.” Oikawa said, sounding defeated as he lied down on the couch comfortably where Futakuchi tossed him to, “Thanks for the water and medicine by the way. I woke up feeling like absolute shit.”</p><p>“Because you <em>are</em> an absolute shit.” Futakuchi said and quickly turned on his heels even when Oikawa protested with a ‘<em>hey!</em>’. He wanted to tease Oikawa more to be honest but that wasn’t his priority right now. The bacon might burn if he continued to leave it unattended.</p><p>“How did you get up so early though? Morning person?” Oikawa asked, his voice growing fainter as he sunk deeper into the couch with a slight creak.</p><p>“I woke up to the discomfort of having another body beside me.” Futakuchi grumpily recalled. His bed was wide enough for two people to have their own comforting sides and space, yet Oikawa still was able to invade his to the point that he could’ve fell off the bed.</p><p>“Oh, so you made a hearty breakfast for that <em>body </em>which brought you<em> discomfort</em>? Is this how you flirt?” Oikawa prompted, but it was less snarky than usual. Most likely because of his well-deserved bad hangover.</p><p>Futakuchi plated the last bacon and placed it on the dining table with a loud sound. He then faced the living room and glared at Oikawa, saying, “Yes, because I felt sorry for your pathetic, <em>toxic</em> ass, but since you’re energetic enough to be annoying, please see yourself out <em>immediately</em>.”</p><p>Oikawa humbly fluttered his lashes and flicked his gaze from the ceiling to meet Futakuchi’s sharp eyes. Futakuchi regretted insulting him that way for a hot second, but Oikawa’s obnoxious smile was back on quickly as he swung his long legs off the couch to confidently strut towards his warm breakfast.</p><p>“Oh? You scramble eggs well, huh? Show me how next time?” Oikawa said with a playful, luscious tone in his voice as he looked at the food on their plates.</p><p>Futakuchi could only exhale all his frustrations out because this was not the energy level he wanted to deal with in the <em>fucking</em> morning.</p><p>“Just shut up and eat, you imbecile.”</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa left that day wearing Futakuchi’s clean clothes and then left Futakuchi nothing except for the clothes he wore that night. Futakuchi supposed he forgot to bring it along because they were too busy outsmarting each other the whole morning.</p><p>Futakuchi thought of throwing it out, but he threw it into the washing machine instead and even ironed it out. He wasn’t sure Oikawa would come by again to take it back or if he would give back the clothes he borrowed, but he still did anyway. He was <em>socially</em> a decent human being after all.</p><p>After two weeks since taking that mess of an existence into his apartment, that same personified chaos knocked on his door after the sun had set; thankfully with a paper bag containing Futakuchi’s clothes in one hand and surprisingly, a dinner for two on the other.</p><p>Oikawa awkwardly smiled at him and slowly spoke, “You had dinner yet? I haven’t thanked you properly.”</p><p>Futakuchi stared for a short while, contemplating if he would want <em>this</em> guy in his apartment once again or if he should just take his clothes and free dinner then give back Oikawa’s clothes. In that route, they can go back to being simple acquaintances after that. Nothing more.</p><p>“Sure.” Futakuchi said, a mistake on his part he didn’t know why he committed, but still continued to do it, “Come in.”</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>The next mistake he did that night was opening a wine bottle.</p><p>Oikawa looked like he wanted to get his mind off of something and their petty banter and shitty arguments weren’t enough stimulation for him to forget whatever it was. So Futakuchi offered wine, at least something that would ease off the tension in Oikawa’s shoulders and intoxicate his mind with something other than anxiety, guilt and regret.</p><p>Futakuchi didn’t expect the result of it though, because it triggered another mistake on his part.</p><p>“Would it be okay if I kiss you?”</p><p>Oikawa nonchalantly asked as they were separated by a small space between them, an alien movie playing on the screen.</p><p>Futakuchi flicked his eyes off from the screen and quickly towards Oikawa to see if his face was serious, and it looked like he was even if his eyes were invested in watching the action happening within the film.</p><p>Futakuchi relaxed his shoulders, then he purposely chewed a potato chip loudly before he impulsively answered, “Depends on what <em>okay</em> means in that sentence.”</p><p><em>That</em> was his third mistake.</p><p>“Whatever you want it to mean.” Oikawa stated, a soulless monotonous tone in his voice.</p><p>Futakuchi turned his face to directly scrutinize Oikawa’s intentions, and the other simply fluttered his eyelashes to divert his focus from the movie and to give all his attention towards Futakuchi.</p><p>In Oikawa’s warm brown eyes, Futakuchi was encapsulated.</p><p>Then Oikawa muttered, his words decisive and clear, “You make the rules, <em>Kenji</em>.”</p><p>Futakuchi bashfully blinked at Oikawa because <em>fuck</em>.</p><p>He liked the sound of that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>—</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Of course they kissed. Futakuchi couldn’t say no to such an offer that sounded like it was all going to be a win for him, so they even did things more than kissing.</p><p>That night, the morning after, the next day after that—whatever, Futakuchi didn’t really keep count. They just kept doing it.</p><p>One night on Futakuchi’s bed after showering together and drying their hair, barely clothed, Oikawa spoke.</p><p>“Did I say or do anything cringey when I got drunk?” He asked, having the audacity to sound shy about it.</p><p>Futakuchi mockingly laughed, remembering how Oikawa fell on his face on the way to the bathroom that night. The bartender and some guests snickered, which was one of the reasons why Futakuchi didn’t want to associate himself with him, but he did anyway so he just said, “A lot.”</p><p>“Fuck you.” Oikawa said but there was no weight in it, like everything he says anyway, then he added, “Sorry.”</p><p>Futakuchi paused, because that apology actually had a bit of weight in it.</p><p><em>Tsk</em>.</p><p>“It’s okay. I understand.” Futakuchi comforted, softening his voice a little. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable, what’s wrong is drinking yourself to black out on the ground just so your acquaintance can clean up your fucking mess.</p><p>“Oh?” Oikawa said, and with a single syllable, he made Futakuchi regret ever thinking that he sometimes should consider Oikawa’s emotions too.</p><p>“How so?” Oikawa asked with his standard tone, sounding like he’s always playing a game with you.</p><p>It’s exhausting. Futakuchi’s tired. He didn’t have the energy to play these mind games with the great king of fooling around, so he spoke honestly instead of countering with more bark like he would have normally.</p><p>“You know, if you think you don’t deserve this <em>Shoyou</em> yet, then aim to be a better person on your own first. Just try again someday to see if he would still accept you.” Futakuchi said, lying on his side and turning his back on Oikawa. He was starting to feel sleepy so he closed his eyes, not waiting for Oikawa to answer because Oikawa didn’t seem like the type to open up just after some pleasant nights together.</p><p>Futakuchi thought wrong. Oikawa’s actually pretty open at times, baring himself naked and defenseless. It was an admirable characteristic of him.</p><p>“That‘s the current plan.” Oikawa uttered, and Futakuchi opened his eyes instinctively, wanting to see what expression Oikawa was wearing, then he heard him speak softer, “I’m not sure how.”</p><p>“Nobody knows how.” Futakuchi answered a bit too quickly, like he was on the defensive. Oikawa must have felt it too because there was only silence after it.</p><p>Futakuchi took a breath through his nose and then slowly said, “It’s okay not to know how.”</p><p>Oikawa chuckled, light and airy. Soft and gentle. The bed made a creaking sound and Futakuchi could instantly feel Oikawa’s stare on his nape as he said, “Sounds like that’s from your experience.”</p><p>Futakuchi closed his eyes again, huffing as he smirked, “Aw, Oikawa-san. We both have shitty personalities. I know how hard it is to be a jerk.”</p><p>“Well.” Oikawa started, and there was the sound of sheets rustling, closer and closer. Futakuchi then felt shy fingertips treading their way from his waist, then up to his chest. A warm cheek rested on his shoulder, and Oikawa’s words vibrated along his skin as his lips moved, “Did you find out how?”</p><p>Futakuchi wanted to laugh at how the electricity from his lips spread out into his body and also how ironic the question was with their current situation, but he didn’t. He only melted into Oikawa’s comforting embrace and spoke even if it was slurred with exhaustion.</p><p>“Oikawa-san.” He called out, and he felt a <em>hm</em>? shiver against his nape, so he continued.</p><p>“I wouldn’t be here like this with you if I did.”</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Futakuchi didn’t verbally say the rules he made, and yet he knew Oikawa understood them loud and clear without needing any kind of confirmation. It had been smooth sailing and perfect. Nothing was wrong, nothing was right—they were exactly right in the middle of everything.</p><p>Except Oikawa was curious, and his curiosity leads to some questions. Questions that haven’t been spoken but have already been answered, and yet are questions that may be answered differently when it’s spoken out loud.</p><p>“You ever think we could be more?” He asked once while they were eating the breakfast Futakuchi made for them.</p><p>Futakuchi’s hand stopped midair before taking a sip of his coffee, then he settled his cup back down on the table to look up at the other.</p><p>Oikawa wasn’t even looking at him; he was only fixated on eating his rice, his eyes still lidded from the desire to keep sleeping, his mouth in a nonchalant pout he always wears in the morning.</p><p>Futakuchi let out the breath he was holding and wiped his sweaty palms on his shorts.</p><p>“No.” He answered, short and blunt, then proceeded to eat again.</p><p>“Why?” Oikawa continued to ask, and Futakuchi wondered if he was asking to know the answers or if he’s only asking to hear Futakuchi actually speak it into existence. Either way, Futakuchi always intended to be honest.</p><p>“We’re just both lonely. That’s why we can stick together.” Futakuchi responded after swallowing his food. There’s no point in sugar coating the truth.</p><p>He saw Oikawa shrug before he mumbled, “That didn’t answer why though. Maybe you just don’t want a dose of your own medicine.”</p><p>Futakuchi sighed loudly and gently placed his chopsticks on top of his bowl, looking directly at Oikawa’s direction, requiring his eyes on his as well as he said, “Because we shouldn’t.”</p><p>Oikawa blinked softly then obliged, bringing his brown eyes up to meet Futakuchi’s as he listened.</p><p>“Just because we know each other’s flaws doesn’t mean we can take it.” Futakuchi reasoned out, and he watched every bit of Oikawa’s facial features, looking for any sign of change.</p><p>There was none, so he knew he could continue.</p><p>“Just because we both know how we hurt other people doesn’t mean we wouldn’t do it to each other.” Futakuchi forced out, his throat growing tighter the more words he spoke in front of Oikawa.</p><p>His heart felt like it wanted to burst just so he would stop talking, but he pushed through and said the one thing he didn’t ever want Oikawa to hear.</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you.” He said, deeply and sincerely.</p><p>It was a surprise to Futakuchi—the subtlest widening in Oikawa’s eyes, the smallest parting of his lips as if he was taken aback.</p><p>“I don’t want us to hurt each other.” Futakuchi added, a crack almost finding its way to his voice near the end because he was both mad and aching as he said these words.</p><p>Mad for reasons he knew he could change, and aching because if he actually <em>could</em> then he would have never been in this situation anyway.</p><p>Oikawa didn’t say a word, but he did look away to gaze at his plate like there was something interesting in it. Futakuchi calmed himself down by attempting to even out his breathing, and when he finally found his composure, he reached out to take Oikawa’s fist in his hand.</p><p>His hands were cold, and holding Oikawa’s felt nice because it was warm. He held onto it tightly for a second then said, “We’re the same kind of person who are trying to be better, Oikawa-san. We should keep going for that. Then we can find happiness and go on different paths.”</p><p>Oikawa still didn’t look at him, but it looked like Oikawa got to hear what he intended to hear from Futakuchi because he looked satisfied and content.</p><p>“I know.” Oikawa smiled, and that was all he said.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>After months of having Oikawa’s enigmatic presence in his life, Futakuchi was fully ready to let go and accept it when the inevitable end of their set up came.</p><p>There were no goodbyes, no tears, no heartbreaks. Oikawa just didn’t come around again; Futakuchi just didn’t sought him out anymore, and that was it. No hard feelings.</p><p>Futakuchi’s apartment was still the same. There are some bits and pieces of memories about Oikawa here and there but his scent on Futakuchi’s sheets and couch doesn’t bother him. He’s used to this anyway. Used to the numbing feeling of having lost something you never owned in the first place.</p><p>What’s funny is that Oikawa never took his clothes home from that night they met, and yet he took three of Futakuchi’s favorite sweaters, five of Futakuchi’s best shirts, and tons of colored, mismatched socks which left Futakuchi never being able to wear matching ones except when it’s a solid black color.</p><p>Oikawa came into this point of his life and Futakuchi barely accepted anything Oikawa could have given him, but he lost something more than his sweaters, shirts and socks.</p><p>Futakuchi is still the same, and he regrets nothing because he thinks the choices he made were right. That they were for the better.</p><p>Actually, he’s not wrong, but quite honestly:</p><p>What a fucking <em>idiot</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ok so this was inspired by My Own Relationship Rule that u shouldnt get into a relationship u know that u would fuck up. like if there is a chance of u saying “u deserve better” even before u get into a relationship, dont involve yourself w that person unless theres a mutual understanding that you’re both just going to use each other when it’s convenient AND can handle such a set up (just like what oifuta did in this).</p><p>but anyway i hope yalls can b in a healthy relationship or are in a healthy relationship or can get out of a toxic relationship, bc u deserve it baby. ily mwa.</p><p>idk if it was bc im just forcing myself to write wc is why i didnt vibe w this fic but anyway thank u for reading !! hope u liked that even just a bit. brr.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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